Where did you work? How did you get here?

[G5000]

I started out as a clerk in a grocery store as soon as I turned 16. Then I moved on to a pinball gallery, changing dollars into quarters for bikers and drinking as much rum as I could manage. Then I moved on to a factory that made plastic bags, which is where I picked up a cigarette addiction which took me nearly 30 years to shake. About nine months after I graduated high school, I joined the military for 20 years.

During my time in the military I accidentally became the dictator of a small island nation none of you have ever heard of after a rather bizarre and complicated banana peel incident which is now celebrated as an annual national holiday there. Bananas are not indigenous to the island, so the whole ritual has a rather sad and artificial flavor to it which never quite captures the glory of the inceptive incident.

I tried to model my benevolent rule as Most Excellently Dressed Supreme Leader on the teachings of Kurt Vonnegut and scraps of paper I found in a bag of crushed-during-shipping fortune cookies which were sent to me by some admirers.

To while the time away between mock executions, I started a carrier pigeon breeding business which really took off, no pun intended. Our carrier pigeons were highly prized around the world. I don't want to give away our secret sauce since there are some people back there who still make their living at it, but it was one of my proudest achievements to realize we should base the reproduction of the pigeons on prime numbers. I'll say no more about that, but I came this close to winning a Nobel prize.

It may surprise you to learn that being the all-powerful ruler of a small nation gets boring after a while. We did not have any armed forces to speak of, so invading other countries to keep me occupied was just not in the cards. And boinking all the good looking women on the island is not as terrific as you think it sounds. That whole "hell hath no fury" thing trumps the "all powerful ruler" thing every time. There comes a point that no amount of medals you've awarded yourself and fancy uniforms can protect you from a crowd of jealous women.

Fortunately, I discovered my oligarchical tendencies made me a natural fit in the global financial services sector. It was a simple transition from island despot to a Master of the Universe with all the hookers and blow I could handle.

And the rest is history. Literally. And let me just apologize right here for that whole mess.

Now I just putter away my days trying to solve the world's problems and give it better cable reception. As one who has always gotten his way his entire life, waiting for Netflix to buffer is REALLY f**k ANNOYING.




.

[Boris Johnson]

[Showboat]

[Dobby]

Going to sound like an idiot but can someone explain GPA?

[Mo~]

[Dobby]

Oh ok, I naively thought the system would be the same globally.

[Showboat]

[The Comrade]

pretty much, yeah.

[Showboat]

[Dylan]

Meh. High school is so damn easy if you can't squeeze out a A- in classes you dot naturally excel at you aren't MIT-bound anyway.

I think it's good to be well-rounded.