Eynon Roast
Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2013 1:18 pmHow do you roast a person who is so loved, admired and respected by everyone? It would be a damned hard task... luckily we aren't talking about such a person today.
Eynon... the greatest poster PCF has ever known. Lawyer. Patriot. Civil servant. Always quick to side with rapists, child molesters, robbers, murderers and drug addicts (and that's just his immediate family), Non has reached the Pinnacle of White Trash Achievement. He is what would happen if you combined Mao, Ricky from Trailer Park Boys, and Perry Mason: a likeable, shit-disturbing moral degenerate with little regard for ethics or good grammar, and a fine flair for the dramatic.
When meeting with prospective suppliers/clients, Non is known to put them at ease with his winning smile:
Despite being a rape apologist, Non has also managed to procure a girlfriend far outside of his league. She is also a lawyer. Beautiful, tender and sophisticated, Non's wife is known to prefer settling in the courtroom, a tendency that obviously carried over to her choice of mate. Here is a picture from their first dance:
However much a man's profession speaks to his nature, the sum of any man cannot be arrived at without examining their personal life, hobbies and interests. I have prepared a succession of three images that I feel accurately reflects the social life and times of one Eynon81.
In addition to being in an unhappy relationship, with a stable, bottom-feeder job, Non frequently makes guest appearances on infomercials as a means of earning additional income. Here he is promoting a popular household detergent:
In a world where people are starting to evaluate the ethical implications of their jobs, their politics and their lifestyle choices, Non has remained our rock. Willing to sacrifice anything - even justice - to earn a buck, Non has come to embody the values that we hold dear. It is for this reason that, as part of the roast, I have decided to offer the following item for sale, to be purchased and worn by all members, as a visual reminder to first consider what Non would do, and then not do it:
Eynon... the greatest poster PCF has ever known. Lawyer. Patriot. Civil servant. Always quick to side with rapists, child molesters, robbers, murderers and drug addicts (and that's just his immediate family), Non has reached the Pinnacle of White Trash Achievement. He is what would happen if you combined Mao, Ricky from Trailer Park Boys, and Perry Mason: a likeable, shit-disturbing moral degenerate with little regard for ethics or good grammar, and a fine flair for the dramatic.
When meeting with prospective suppliers/clients, Non is known to put them at ease with his winning smile:
Despite being a rape apologist, Non has also managed to procure a girlfriend far outside of his league. She is also a lawyer. Beautiful, tender and sophisticated, Non's wife is known to prefer settling in the courtroom, a tendency that obviously carried over to her choice of mate. Here is a picture from their first dance:
However much a man's profession speaks to his nature, the sum of any man cannot be arrived at without examining their personal life, hobbies and interests. I have prepared a succession of three images that I feel accurately reflects the social life and times of one Eynon81.
In addition to being in an unhappy relationship, with a stable, bottom-feeder job, Non frequently makes guest appearances on infomercials as a means of earning additional income. Here he is promoting a popular household detergent:
In a world where people are starting to evaluate the ethical implications of their jobs, their politics and their lifestyle choices, Non has remained our rock. Willing to sacrifice anything - even justice - to earn a buck, Non has come to embody the values that we hold dear. It is for this reason that, as part of the roast, I have decided to offer the following item for sale, to be purchased and worn by all members, as a visual reminder to first consider what Non would do, and then not do it: