Carrier Pigeons

[Stratego]

So with all the NSA spying and such, I'm thinking about starting a carrier pigeon service. They're capable of delivering more than just messages, they can deliver small items as well. Let's say you need that personalized cufflink for an event that you're attending, why not send it via a pigeon? Traditionally, the effectiveness of carrier pigeons were limited because you actually have to raise them near where you want the message to go. You can't give them directions, they pretty much just go home. But with the new technology that enable us to create false memories in rats, we can create false memories so that we can program where home is for them. We can even change the memories on a timer, so that the pigeon can deliver to multiple locations.

As the service expands, we can use carrier pigeons to recruit other carrier pigeons. In the Spring time, the pigeons want to do the birds and the bees. So if we can reduce the size of these chips that reprogram "home" for the pigeons to be small enough to fit into a pigeon's ball sack, the chip can effectively be transmitted to another pigeon via completely natural activities when the carrier meets his female. Then the chip then can travel up to the female pigeon's brain and recruit it to be in the carrier pigeon service.

[The Dharma Bum]

There may be a niche market for it.

[Stratego]

Got a symbol for it too. It'll enable revolution all over the world!!

[The Dharma Bum]

Until the enemy deploys an army of kids with BB guns

[Professor]

Not a solution. The FCC will have to have access to and ultimate approval over all messages sent via pigeon. If they travel across state lines, it's obvious that it's their jurisdiction. Even if they fly only intrastate, the FCC would argue that it "affects" companies in other states, and use the same logic that they used to regulate intrastate drug sales.