And some people like to cosseted and some like to do the cosseting, whereas others like to be dominant or dominated.
Perhaps in the first example you gave, he likes being treated like shit. Some people like the whip, so to speak.
It's not always to do with sex, though I found out the wife of a man I knew liked him wearing stockings and suspenders under his business suit. I couldn't concentrate on anything he said once I knew what he was probably wearing under his trousers. It must have been uncomfortable, mustn't it? Ah well.