uebermann Roast

by **exploited** » Wed Jan 16, 2013 4:15 pm

Lol good start.

by **Precocity** » Wed Jan 16, 2013 4:20 pm

One more thing. Back in high school all the girls gave him the nickname "pencil dick". As gullable as he is, he still thinks it means a detective that writes novels.

by **OGPhilly** » Wed Jan 16, 2013 4:53 pm

You fat mangled-face pathetic f**k. You are a pathetic piece of shit who has a hot neighbor but will never get laid cause you don't even have the balls to tell her that her annoying f**k dog keeps you up all night. You god damn kitty. And that's why you wallow in your Internet power, king of a ghost town forum. Or hall monitor. More like f**k janitor really. At least you manned up, if you could call it that, after cleaning Sazari's puke off the bathroom floor for the 78th time and sent him packing. Jesus f**k Christ.

by **OGPhilly** » Wed Jan 16, 2013 5:00 pm

by **Precocity** » Wed Jan 16, 2013 5:06 pm

by **exploited** » Wed Jan 16, 2013 5:16 pm

Where to begin? Uebermann is our fearless leader, a man not known to suffer fools, and certainly he is well-equipped to identify them. We all know his past actions here, but I wanted to step back, and explore the early life of Uebermann.

Movie Career

Uebermann has starred in numerous films, most notably as the friendly retard in The Goonies. Earning him critical acclaim for his "ultra-realistic portrayal as nice-guy mutant," Uebermann touched the hearts and minds of all those who saw this epic film. Below is his most recognizable portrait, taken after he was given three jube-jubes as compensation for his work:

After a long hiatus, Ueber returned to the big screen, playing a cameo role as the Opera Singing Moon in 2001's Moulin Rouge. When questioned about his absence, Ueber refused to elaborate on what he was up to, other than to say that he was busy "chasing tail" and that he wanted his privacy respected because it was a "family affair."

I/T Career

When the roles dried up and Ueber finished his coke-and-alcohol binging spree, he decided to clean himself up and pursue a job in the IT world. This made a great deal of sense, because in addition to being retarded, smelly and generally unemployable outside exploitative film roles, Ueber is a highly unpleasant individual who can't be left alone with females or young boys. As it is well-known that these demographics do not exist in the IT world, this career was one that made sense to everyone, particularly those unlucky enough to know him IRL.

Buying PCF

With his IT career on an upward swing, Ueber was able to set aside a fair chunk of change, in order to buy up the only aspect of his social life that was actually functional: PCF. Many of the members were concerned that he would turn the forum into NAMBLA-lite, but as it turns out, Ueber values the only people willing to listen to him on a daily basis. In fact, he revels in this power, which is why he abuses it so flagrantly. Most people here tolerate it because they are lazy, but some members were unable to accept his domineering ways, and threatened to bring legal action against Ueber. Undaunted, Ueber sicked his dog upon the poor member, watched it rip the member to shreds, and then ate that members flesh. The end result was the transformation of his formidable gut into a fat-sack with it's own gravitational pull. Here is a snapshot, taken by myself, of the initial attack:

Here is a picture of Ueber's after his first experience with cannibalism:

Despite all of his shortcomings and misgivings, Ueber has provided us all with a relatively safe place to post and socialize, assuming a monthly sacrifice is made to his disgusting sweaty body. And for that, we should all be thankful!