Drunk, Stupid or Drunk/Stupid Stories

[exploited]

Well, let's hear them.

The most recent story of mine was when I was out drinking at a pub with the boys. We went out for a smoke and huddled under an umbrella, because it was quite a downpour that day. We noticed a car pull up - a grey, mid-grade Mercedes - and out of the drivers seat comes this guy we all knew. He is a huge, huge douchebag, who also happens to be worth alot of money. He is parked illegally by the way. Anyways, he goes inside a restaurant. One of my pals, a likeable obnoxious sort, looked at my wife and I and said, wouldn't it be funny if I ran over the hood of his car? Just for being an asshole? I said "Haha, yeah right, but I'll give you $40 if you do." He putters around for a bit, then chugs his beer, slams the glass on the table, runs through the gate, and just rockets himself at this car. He gets one foot on the hood, slips, and does this weird backwards flip thing, going right through the windshield, and planting his ass in the face of a underling that happened to be hanging out in the front seat.

Best part is, he got away with it. I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. Slapstick isn't usually my thing, and neither is property destruction. But, heh, I couldn't help myself here. This is drunk/stupid.

I once put a cigarette into my mouth backwards, by accident, severely burning my tongue. This is stupid.

Lastly, I once lived literally one block away from a bar. It was at the end of a dead-end street, which I lived on. Even on the same side of the road. Anyways, this one random Tuesday, a bunch of us decided to go watch a game and get a drink. We left two hours later so incoherently drunk I got lost on the way home. My buddy passed out in a ditch, getting picked up by an ambulance. My roommate at the time ended up waking up with his face literally an inch or two away from the cats litter box. As it turns out, we were slipped roofies in a pitcher of beer. No shit. I wondered who wanted to rape 6 dudes.

Only later did we recollect that we were sitting beside a table of girls, who received their pitcher at the same time we received ours. Better luck next time, rapist dude. This is drunk.

Let's hear those funny drunken moments.

[The Comrade]

one time i got drunk and then i woke up with diarrhea.

what a lemon that morning was!

[exploited]

[OGPhilly]

I've got a story or two but I'll keep them to myself for now.

[exploited]

[The Comrade]

i don't do stupid things when i'm drunk. embarrassing things maybe.

okay so this one time i was drinking and it was my roommates birthday. and she invited her cute redhead friend over (who is also jewish so f**k you zeugma) and i had a thing for her. so we're drinking and stuff and hanging out and we're hitting it off and suddenly i realize i'd drank like two bottles of really shitty red, sugary wine in like an hour. so i got drunk as hell and was immediately terrible at conversation. then i threw up (in my bathroom, because i'm not a f**k scrub). i tried to hide it but i throw up very violently so it just sounded like i was yelling. so everyone knows i'm puking my brains out. then i took a shower, and walked out of the bathroom in my underwear and a towel draped over my shoulders. two of my friends and the girl were standing in this foyer that connected my room, my roommates room, and the bathroom. i just sort of slumped against a wall and sat down, still in my underwear, and for some reason everyone else did too. we all talked for like 5 hours about stuff and it was the most fun part of the night butttttt it killed any chance of ever getting with the cute red head who apparently had a thing for me too until i disgraced my family with such a shameful display.

[Hyperion]

Oh god, the stories I could tell. Just recently my friends pulled a "hey, have you met my friend..." and it worked. I'm actually still in contact with this gal.

- I've urinated on a police car as a bet. It turned out an officer was actually in the passenger seat. He was messing around with the laptop, but I nearly lost it when I realized the car was occupied. I ran away with my pecker still saluting.
- Plenty of times I got with some random girl and had to awkwardly drive her 30 miles home the next day.
- Received a public intoxication ticket. So my best friend was at a bar with a real douche once. I was prescribed some anti-anxiety medication earlier that week, but I didn't realize how much alcohol impairs your judgement when mixed with benzos. Anyway, I drive up and get drunk as hell. We go over to his apartment nearby. My friend leaves and I stay for god-knows-what-reason. Well apparently I barfed all over his apartment, looked at him, smiled, then walked back to the bars and kept on drinking. I ended up lost at 4 AM with only one shoe. Apparently I walked into an ihop (with one shoe), sat down, ordered Starbucks, and then left after my waiter told me it wasn't a coffee-house.
- Plenty of funny wing-man stories.
- Speaking of roofies, a different friend of mine got roofied. It's kinda funny because he's a HUGE, overweight guy. I had no clue wtf he was doing until I realized he was acting like someone on a dissociative. He was seated normally one minute, then just collapsed onto the table, then jumped up as if nothing was wrong.

For the longest time I was a club person so I have crazier stories but they don't necessarily involve ethanol.

[Hyperion]

Ever see a guy tripping on shrooms for the first time wander into a dog park and start talking to the animals as if each one was a different god/goddess?

My clubbing days were bizarre. One time I was rolling and just randomly hugged a gal who turned out to be on dope (heroin). She barfed and then thanked me. Then we ended up having sex.

[exploited]

You are sick.

I like it.

[PoS]

One of the earliest experience as I recall was in high school several of the boys went on a beer run and we got wasted at one of our teammates home (I was playing varsity football), he passed out and we shaved off his eyebrows.