Drunk, Stupid or Drunk/Stupid Stories

[uebermann]

I have too many of these to tell but I can share one I guess.

Back to school party my sophomore year. One of my friends moved out of the dorm and got a loft apartment on The Strand. He and his roommate threw a big party, with all of the MARA (Maritime Administration) and MARS (Marine Science) majors. I was a MARS major so pretty much everyone I had classes with was there. (TAMUG was not a very big college)

So my friend hosting the party tells me I need a drink and hands me a very strong Cape Cod (vodka + cranberry juice). So I'm drinking and talking with people and having a good time and so I go back for another drink. It was probably 50/50. About 10 minutes later I drink another one. And another a few minutes after that. Then I drink one that is probably 80 vodka/20 cranberry. So I get blitzed pretty fast. I end up out on the balcony having what I remember being a rather intelligent conversation with a guy that was a MARA major (I'm later told that we were both so drunk that no one could understand what we were saying except us) and my friend hosting is worried that I'll fall off onto the street below so a couple of my other friends come over and help me up (because I was not able to walk on my own at this point) and they push me back in through the window and plop me on a couch. After a few minutes apparently (and I say apparently because I only remember bits and pieces from this point) I announce very loudly that I have to pee. So my friend that is hosting the party tells my other friends that they need to help me to the bathroom. So my roommate and another friend of ours come over to me, help me up and help walk me to the bathroom.

So we get in there and they are helping me stand when two drunk girls start banging on the door and keep trying to come in. So my roommate is trying to tell them I'm peeing and to hold on and they keep saying "Just let us in" and apparently I ask if they are hot and if so to just let them in. At which point my friend and my roommate both tell me to shut up and start peeing. So at this point I am basically leaning over the toilet with both of my arms up against the small cabinet above the toilet, so I can prop/balance myself. And apparently I announce that I can't pee while my zipper is up and I can't unzip it myself or I'll fall. A game of rock/paper/scissors is played to see who is going to unzip my pants. All the while drunk girls are still trying to get in.

My roommate won so the other guy unzipped me. And apparently I just pulled it out and let it hang down and peed while both arms were still up on the cabinet. So while I'm peeing, I start spitting. And its hitting the back part of the toilet. And there's a bunch of magazines on it. And my friend asks me "Dude, why the f**k are you spitting on the magazines" and I apparently answered "Because I feel like it."

So after spitting and peeing I get done and they help me back out and put me on the couch right next to where everyone is walking in/out to go to the balcony. And no one bothered to zip me up.

So there I am, completely exposed, sitting on the couch, as everyone at the party is basically walking to go out and sees me in all my glory - dead drunk and exposed. Apparently I took my shoes off at some point so I'm looking pretty out of it I guess. My friend that was hosting the party tells my other friends that they have to get me out of there. So they fight and argue on who is going to zip me up and its concluded that since the one guy zipped me down, he should have to zip me up. Problem is, bits and pieces are hanging out. So he, being the great guy he is, pushed things inside before zipping me up. So he's all pissed off about it and they wake me up to tell me its time to go.

And which point I lean forward, grab my shoes, put them on and tie them. And the guy that zipped me up says, "Wait, I just had to zip you up and you can put on your shoes and tie them yourself??" And apparently I looked at him and asked, "Well, did anyone bother asking me to zip myself up?"

And there was quite a crowd watching the events unfolding at this point and apparently my response caused people to laugh and spit their drinks out.

So we leave the party and my friends are helping me get to the stairs and apparently I am stumbling a lot. (remember I am using "apparently" a lot here because I dont' remember most of this). They decide I'm in no shape to take the stairs so we turn around and take the elevator instead. Now I have to point out its like 2am. So fairly late. Anyways we get down to the bottom and there's some stairs we have to take to go down to the street and my friends are having me go one step at a time so I start helping them by yelling "STEP" every time I take a step down the stairs so they know when I'm going. They try to get me to stop but apparently that makes me yell it even louder. They tell me people are sleeping and I said I don't give a shit. And me yelling "STEP" continues all the way to my friend's van. Which was a good 5 minute walk away. So I'm yelling "STEP" every time I take a step all the way to the parking area there.

We get in the van and there's no seats in the back. So they just put me face down on the floor and apparently their got their revenge on me by driving around corners really fast and laughing as I rolled from side to side in the back.

I was miserable on Sunday. First hangover I ever had.

Monday rolls around and there was a lot of people snickering as I walked by and I could hear whispers of "hey, its that guy!" and I had a feeling of what kind of day it was going to be. And I walk into my first class (a MARS major class) at 8:01 so I'm a minute late and the professor stopped me as I came in and then looked and said "Oh, you're probably still recovering from Saturday night. Wasn't sure that we'd see you here this moring. Have a seat." And the class laughed. And my face turned bright red. I made sure to be early at all of the rest of my classes that day.

[eynon81]

[uebermann]

[eynon81]

[Hyperion]

[eynon81]

[Hyperion]

[Hyperion]

[PoS]

I worked for a guy addicted to coke many years ago. Paranoid SOB.

[eynon81]